C.S JOURNAL 11/19/2011

I slept with makeup on my face last night. Something that I hate to do, but I was tired dammit and I just crashed on the bed. Guys, I have been working so hard to reach my goal, that sometimes I feel like I cannot even lift up my finger lol. Am I trying to kill myself? Nope.I just happen to have my mind transfixed on my goals. My old Art teacher Kimberly McHenry took me under her wing when I was in middle school.She realized that she could no longer give me work because I would chew through the chapters in Art class. I was hungry for something and she knew it. Since both of my parents died when I was little, it was life living without your two guardian angels, your parents. A lot of people would talk about it like it wasn't anything or because I was a "big boy" I was supposed to get over it..just like that. I would stare at people like, "Bitch,are you serious?" People were never that sympathetic about the situation so you know, I got older and I was like fuck it. No one needs to effing know and if I wanted to cope with my emotions I would soon do it on my own. Anyways, Ms.McHenry was like a teacher slash guardian angel. My life began to feel like graduation. You know when they are about to call your name and you see all the teachers,principals, and counselors who was with you all those years? Every time I would fall, God would send a teacher/mentor/stranger/ my way to snatch me out of my sorrow. And when I didn't believe in myself, they believed in me moreeee than I did. 

One woman who came into my life and changed it completely was Dr.Julie. She was the lesbian counselor for the gay counseling group back in high school and I was comfortable enough with my sexuality to go to the group. we would go and she was the coolest person I had ever met. she showed us movies of gay shows, which I had never really seen or if I had seen it, I was horrified to watch it at home. I was shocked to see that the world that had been revealed to me was a world with a window that no one told me I could open. I was kind of scared of her. Why? Because she was "white". A white person to me, was someone who could not help me,was someone who I was told would not take it far with a black person..or so I thought!

I was sick one day, she took me to the hospital. When I began writing poetry endlessly at my aunt's house I began reciting them every Monday at group. Julie told me I was good and she encouraged me. I got feedback from her and I liked it! MY birthday approached and she got me an expensive leather diary.I had never gotten a gift from anyone for my birthday in years and I was shocked. I graduated high school, and she gave me a laptop. I got kicked out of my aunt's house and she came and paid my rent when I was afraid I would be homeless.

I was very hungry and she made a big bag of snacks for me. I had money in my pocket, but she still gave me some more. I needed advice, and she gave it to me. I needed a hug and she hugged me. I cried and she understood. She took me to places I never thought I would ever get to sit in. She made me taste sushi,and after hearing everyone hated it, I ended up loving it. I needed a new laptop, and she gave me a new one!

I have walked to school to home since Kindergarten, and today, she called me, shes getting me a car!!

I feel like I have a mother I never had and everyone who comes into my life, I try to learn something from them.I told myself that I'm not just seeing them in front of me, they were put in front of me for a reason. they came to teach me a lesson, whether it is a good or bad lesson. So how can I live life not blessing others and treating others like I have been treated? Why wouldn't I pass on the blessings? After all that is good is given to you and all who are blessed begin to bless you, you have to use your blessings to help others....and its exactly what I've been doing and what I will continue to do..[[CHARLIE STRIPES]]